“i’ve been here my whole life and also but only for 3 seconds”

HI MY CUTE PERFECT WONDERFUL FAMILY. i love you. i do wish i could email each of you every week. it’s really hard to not to, but exact obedience. 🙂 just know that every time i email i think of you individually and though i may not be able to write to each of you, i think of you and pray for you all the day long. you are my biggest support and i could not do what i’m doing without you, seriously. i will write you each a letter on the plane, ps. i haven’t forgotten about you, it’s just that the MTC tells me when and when not to breathe (literally though…because choir, lol) and i never have time to write anymore. love youuuu though.

okay what even happened this week. what’s a week. i’ve been here my whole life and also but only for 3 seconds. who knew there was life after the MTC? what is english. i don’t know russian! i’m so excited to sing in general conference! i don’t know the notes and i only hopped in the alto section to not listen to the dog whistles. what is the alto line again? i’m in the front row. what’s my face doing? the director is opening his mouth really long and wide should i do that? idk i look dumb i feel dumb i’m wearing makeup sos. my hair is covering my nametag they said not to that but i can’t fix it i have to yawn. i have to sneeze. i’m crying. am i crying? oops my knees are locked don’t pass out. i’m going to ukraine in like 5 minutes! WOOHOO. i’m going to ukraine. what. what is russian? i love russian! i can’t talk to people ont he streets, this is crazy! I CAN’T WAIT TO TALK TO EVERYONE I SEE. I know russian so good! *recites first vision and 3 scriptures and case chart in head* wait a second i only know gospel words. WOOHOO! WOWOWWWWWWWWWW i love being a missionary.
huh. that’s pretty much exactly what my week felt like. i could just end here because that explains my thoughts and feelings basically. haha. so today we have to pack….please pray for me. 😉 really though. haha. you’ll be getting some boxes of stuff i can’t fit. please pray that our stuff will be under the weight limit. haha. remember how they said save 8-12 pounds for books? we have at least 20. hahahhaha. i’m excited. bah, i really don’t even know where to start and i only have 15 minutes! also, ma & sis, i can’t wear the bracelet or necklace you gave me in conference, i’m a little bummed but i’ll thinking about all o fyou the whole time! seriously. those songs make me feel so close to my sweet family.
um. okay this week really was so good. i learned so many things. i learned that if you just give God your all, even if your ALL is only 10 minutes a day practicing songs for choir, or only memorizing one more small section on the case chart, or only reading scriptures for these 5 spare minutes…i learned that if we just do that, God will MULTIPLY our efforts and bless us immensely. seriously, y’all should well understand how huge of a miracle it is that i can sing the alto line. i do fine during choir, then when we sing hyms in class i try and i CANNOT sing the alto line for the life of me! that’s a huge blessing. also, i learned that the commandment “thou shalt put no other gods before me” is way more applicable to my life than i realized. no i dont’ worship other godly figures, but it thought yesterday about what i might allow to rule me instead of god at times. for me, it’s stress. big surprise, right? haha. i realized that sometimes, i put my stress above my god! so i challenge each of you this week to figure out what you are sometimes putting above god. is it work? is it stress? is it doubt? is it friends? whatever it is, figure it out, pray about it, study this commandment int he scriptures, ask heavenly father to help you know what it is, and then work on it. it’s hard, i’ll tell you that right now. it takes a constant conscious effort and focus to not let that one thing slip above god again. it may take weeks, months, or it may be something you’ll have to work on every day of your life. stress just might be a lifelong one for me. but work on it. pray about it. i did it yesterday, and in the moments when i was truly able to put my God above my stress, I felt so much peace. Russian made sense, not perfectly, but previosuly confusing concepts were a little more understandable. It’s all about looking for the small miracles (and there are many, every second. i promise), and truly always trying to keep an eye SINGLE to the glory of god. we cannot let anything else come into our vision, into our eye’s sight, we have to focus on god and then everything else will fall in place.
okay two small miracles this week that were incredible: 1. sis clark and i had JUST been talking about how we’re worried to leave, our russian isn’t there, we started to compare, and were just feelin’ a little down and not so sure. we rounded the corner, and this mexican man that was there for TRC looked at us like he needed to say something, looked away like he wasn’t going to, then said to himself, “okay, yeah.” and approached us and started talking. this man answered our prayers so specifically. about everything. i wish i could write everything he said, but the biggest thing for me that he said was, 1. You are in God’s hands. 2. It’s His problem! 3. He knows how to fix it.  Apply this to yourself. whatever it is your worried about, remember that you’re in his hands. that it isn’t even yours to worry about. it’s not your problem. and trust that god will fix it. the second miracle was during al esson. which ended up being our last lesson with Lyosha, but we didn’t know that until after. we learned from this lesson that he is inactive becasue he does not understand the atonemetn. that was the root of all his doubts. he said he didn’t think he could be forgiven or healed because he’s a sinner and he has mental disabilities and health problems. i had a thought to tell him about mama, how she has health problems too. and then i thought, “oh, but i don’t know those words.” and then the spirit whispered to me, “you know the first two.” “my mama.” i know how to say that. i do know the first two. “but heavenly father….i don’t know the words after that.” and then i remember a lesson we had the day before about opening our mouths. and the spirit just told me to open my mouth! first, you should know that Lyosha is very quiet, he keeps his head down and hardly looks up or engages during our lessons. he has a stutter and is a little behind mentally. not severely, but it’s there. (oh ps, this is my teacher, taking ont he role of this ivnestigator) I just opened my mouth. I said “my mama.” and struggled to explain the rest, but i did. i just todl him that she struggles too, she doesn’t always know why she’s ill, but she knows it’s what heavenly father needs her to go through tio help her learn and strengthen her faith. it wasn’t some incredible overwhelming moment, my russian was NOT perfect, it was barely understandable. but i knew the spirit was there because HE LOOKED UP. he responded, he looked empathetic, he felt something. he looked back down soon after, but he looked up during the whole time i tried to testify of that. and then we had him kneel in prayer with us and ask to feel god’s love. it was so incredible. again, nothing overwhelming. but it sparked something. i wish we could meet with him again, it all feels so real, ahah. but that lesson taught me to OPEN MY MOUTH. even if i just know the first two words! and to let the spirit do the rest. i learned to not be afraid to talk to people or to share a certain experience. do this in english too. the gift of tongues is not just for foreign languges. if you feel prompted to talk to someone on the street or int he store, DO IT. even if you have no idea what to say! just walk up and say, “hello!” compliment them, or ask if you can help them, say SOMETHING. and i promise the spirit willt ake over and do the rest. open your mouth. follow the spirit. no matter how crazy or pointless whatever he’s telling you to do may seem!
bah, i’m out of time. i love you. i’m sorry this email wasn’t as good or long or funny. i didn’t have time to share funny stories but we are still laughing and going crazy as ever! I LOVE YOU.
Pics this week!  Click on a picture to open gallery and read her captions…
have a great week, my cute family. i love you all so so much. live the dream.
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