You Are Not Broken

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“You are not broken” are words I did not expect to hear.  And did not expect to cherish.  For a decade now I’ve battled neck pain that has gradually increased.  Every few years I’ve had to mentally adjust to a new level of pain.  Avoiding prescription pain killers at all costs, I have been able to handle the pain mostly.  But there are days.  Increasing in number.  Days when the amount of pain for the amount of time, becomes overwhelming, all that is left to do is cry.  Grandpa took me to a pain doctor just a month ago.  For many years I have honestly wondered “does everyone feel like this and am I just a wimp?”  After the MRI and the X-rays I fully expected to hear the doctor say “sorry but we didn’t see anything” when instead he seemed surprised that I’ve been as tough as I apparently am.  There is hope, if the selected treatment works.  For now, I still spend 4-5 hours per day managing pain.  I see a massage therapist once a month, and chiropractor for injections twice a month.  My last visit to my massage therapist brought those words to my ears. As we discussed the projected treatment, I suppose I was talking about my problem as something bad, something that needed fixing, something that made me a broken.  She  said, “Julie you are not broken.”  I suppose I was a little taken back.  The words reached my ears first, my brain second, and my heart a few days later.  She explained that the shadows in our lives are to be embraced.  “Look at all you have learned over the past decade.  You would not have the compassion for others that you do, the patience, the understanding…the road you have traveled has been your road because of your pain, not in spite of it.”  Every day.  Every day I hear her say it again.

“And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also; knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

And patience, experience, and experience, hope;”  Romans 5:3-4

I should be ashamed that I did not get it on my own.  I’ve lived through enough things to know that our challenges make us stronger and teach us the best lessons.  But however short sighted I’ve been, I’m grateful for a friend who cleared it up for me.  So for my kids and grandkids, remember this.  Whatever challenges life brings you, never think you are broken.

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Comments

  1. Carol cheney says:

    Oma, Oma I love you., Julie, beautiful Julie, such a fabulous idea to share your heart and mind with us. Seeing your picture is so special…many times I have said to you, “we need more pictures of you.” I know how brave you are..such pain you have endured and yet made memorable times for us. Thank you for your loving heart.
    God bless you.

  2. When pain isn’t my focal point, the opportunity to notice how I touch others through it, reveals itself.
    A lack of understanding is what leads me to think, my pain hurts more than yours. In actuality, your hurt, hurts like mine.
    We all have stuff in our lives, which has the potential to bring about suffering. There is also the capacity for healing, when we know the only escape from pain, is to process it through a heart that cares.
    Inside this wondrous heart of ours, I glimpse what’s real to you, and in turn, it becomes real to me. This keeps us close, in ways conventional means cannot.

  3. I can identify. I have 2 deflated discs and recurring migraines. Romans 5:3-4 is spot on and with God’s help I shall grow more in all these things and hopefully a less grouchy. 🙂

    • Thank you for sharing the Scripture, I looked it up and you are right. I love Paul, studied him exclusively for years. And I draw strength from his example of living with his “thorn in the flesh.” You are right though. As long as we draw strength from God, we can learn from these refining experiences. When I get discouraged, I read Scriptures and try to put things into perspective. A day of pain can feel like a week, a month like a year. So stepping back and looking at things more clearly can help, even when the pain is still there. You are a gem, thank you for your comments. Have a wonderful week my friend!

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